I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
