All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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