D3 body, D1 cock
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
