if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
