I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
