New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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