I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
