please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
