I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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