Whod you bang
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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