I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
