i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
