I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
