At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
