just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
