I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
