She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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