This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
