...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
