well I can't set my house on fire every night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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