i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
