The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
