If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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