We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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