We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
