People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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