so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
