I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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