You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
