i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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