if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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