I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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