R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
