Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
