even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
