He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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