just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
