i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
