apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
