The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
