You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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