evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
