im gay
i know
yea but for you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
