and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
