Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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