he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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