Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
