i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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