so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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