This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
