I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Im part way to drunk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
