I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
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