Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
