just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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