We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize