I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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