I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
