paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
