Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
