I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Semen is not good for contacts.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
