Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
