Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I need moral support for this bender
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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