Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
