And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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