I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
