We're like a lot better than the average bears
it hurts more in the daytime
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
