I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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