What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
