I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
