Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
