he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Less talking, more tequila
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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