Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize