i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
