i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
