I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
