dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
